Portugal Mission Trip - Football Camp

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The passion of the Christ

Passion has many meanings to me.

When I hear the word I sometimes think:
Passionate Love or Lovers
Passion Movement– the spiritual movement by King Louis Giglio
Passion Fruit
Passion of the Christ

Either way you look at it, the word Passion, like many other words in the English language brings out multiple meanings when interpreted in the context of its intended audience.

By core definition the word is what it is.

If im at a marriage seminar I might hear the word used in the context of Passionate Love or Lovers.

Okay we get the point.

Now as of late I have thought of this word in different way. You know how you see a movie and come out with a totally different perspective or go thru an experience and come out with a different perspective.

This is an attempt to communicate this revelation in my life.

Something sparks you to get up in the morning and do something. To some of us it is more like a prick, but something pricks us to get up and take shower or whatever it is for that day.

I am going to exchange that word Passion with the word Zest. Just to liven it up a bit. So my context of the word Zest is what drives us to wake up, just breathe for that matter, or to live (very general).

I know this is mundane to some people, but right now there are plenty people contemplating the worth of taking another breath.

Their life has been taken away by someone or something and they would rather be nonexistent.

It seems eerie to write down or to ponder on someone trying to kill themselves at this moment in time, but relevant none the less.

Many people I know have been to this point and I have not gotten as close as some, but have definitely had my moments, days, or weeks for that matter.

One time my pastor hinted his suicidal tendency from the pulpit, but no one caught it (figures).

Losing the Zest in and for life is experienced by all peeps and is crucial to realizing it exsists. Therefore I consider Zestiness at the core of experiencing GODs direction for my life. The Zest to breathe and live and serve and share and die.

Which brings me to the thought that maybe understanding God is about as easy as understanding the opposite sex.

The easiest way to seduce a woman is to deceive and lie to them. Tell them what they want to hear. My friend who has been married for a couple of years most recently told me that the secret to the opposite sex is to tell them they are beautiful. “That’s It”, he insisted, “they just want to hear that they are beautiful.” I agreed with him b/c the ladies don’t always want to hear the truth. The problem is… the moment you think a marriage is going to work on the same principal is the moment your marriage fails.

I mean, why would I think they were beautiful if I had little Zest for life. Like my friend, I would say they were beautiful, so they wouldn’t keep taking the only fragments of Zest I had left. Not that my wife isn’t beautiful, but how is something else beautiful if I cannot see beauty in myself.

To be fair and keep married, it goes both ways for sure.

In the same way we hope to trick the women, we seem to try and use the same tactic with God.

Somehow if we say a few words in a prayer, God will be okay with us and start working on our mansion.

Seducing God doesn’t work in the slightest, but some pastors, ministers, or sheperds, laymen, elders, or whatever you call them people, will encourage you to do it b/c they don’t know any other way. Maybe not with their words, but it happens quite frequently.

If you don’t believe me, ask their wives.

I'v been trying to understand why Melissa and I haven’t connected so much lately and it didn’t take long to remember it is b/c I lied to her. Not b/c I wanted to hurt her, but I wanted to hide from her. I was trying to seduce her. Make her think I was better than I was.

Things you posses portray a picture of you. The way you spend your Time exposes you like a picture. That’s why people practice smiling in the mirror. Your life exposes you and you do not even have to say one word to explain yourself, your exposed.

I needed to apologize to Melissa. Its hard telling someone your sorry. It is even harder to tell someone sorry for something you did or said and be specific.

She just called as I was writing this blog and I apologized. God, she is beautiful. (I hope she read that)

Let’s get back to our Zest for life and wrap it up. Zest leads you to the right thing at the right time.

How do you have Zest in the most mundane ordinary day?

You can’t short change Zest. You have to give it time. It’s not emotion, but definitely plays with them. Zest is all about stamina and perseverance. Zest helps you focus on the goal.

When you “accept Christ” you are getting the right thing at the right time. Im not saying Jesus entended His salvation message for the sake of a moment in time. I think it was meant for more like a transformation from being spiritually ignorant or wandering, into being a Zestyman or woman. Kind of like Paul said about not that obtaining equalness to God something to be grasped, but pressing on toward the goal. Zestiness is God given b/c you recognize He gives it and takes it. Regardless of which one (give or take) we continually press on. Salvation is the rebirth of understanding… something deeper… something mysterious. A little Zest in the pants.

If this were a published book, we would make t-shirts and fancy book covers and all this stuff to make it popular. We would have all these slogans about how Zest cleanses you and worship songs with the word Zest sung about a 20 times over (depending on the worship leader).

I will not let you do this to the word Zest b/c today the word is Zest and some other word tomorrow. If you try, I will deny I ever wrote this. Words in Christian culture tend to get spiritually molested and turn into fads or clichés.

Steal my Zest, I dare you, and I will then come up with another word like WaLa.

Lastly, If someone has or is trying to steal your Zest. Remember that God has placed in you a divine Zest for life, and He can produce the very life changing attitude that spurs you to change lives and contribute to the restoration of the world in which He created.

No words can really express the Zest. b-ah

"Hey man, I don't really know how to say this , but you have a big boog hangin out your nose."

Why is it that some people have a hard time telling someone their nostrils are partly cloudy today. Who really wants to walk around with a yellowish-green booger ball dangling by the last gauntlet of nose hairs.

People, we need to start helping each other out. Especially in the pool. Its worth interrupting their story.

My blogger friend recently asked why I put some words in quotes, so I thought i'd explain. I put certain words in quotes out of an understanding that majority of the people who read this or know me, understand the meaning of this ambiguous word in quotes in a cultural context. Somehow the christian culture I grew up in, tries to take these words and trademark them. Terms such as: "saved", "worship", "church", "spiritual growth" to name a few.

Here's the fuzzy... going to church is not a social obligation b/c we cannot technically go to church. If you are not at church you could still be at church. My point being we confuse ourselves by generalizing and implying words like Church. 1C0r. 3

People are being "saved" from many different things everyday. The truth is people are being medicated to stay alive or are "saved" everyday by doctors.

People "worship" through all different avenues everyday. They don't have to be in a worship service to experience true "worship", b/c people truly "worship" many things besides God.

People are "growing spiritually" everyday and dabbling in all types of spirituality. You don't have to be a christian to "grow spiritually".

Spiritually is a big word. Not conclusive to one religion or belief.

When we use these words conclusively we take away the power in which Christianity is built on. That power is the revealing nature of Christ and not the attitude of, "I have the potion and you need it."

When we generalize words and expect people to take our word for it, it isn't called faith. It's called miscommunication. The same kind of miscommunication that goes on with our wives, kids, parents, friends, or boyfriends.

We need to stop implying that people are Christians by what they say, or stop implying people believe words are interpreted the same way you see it.

Recently a friend of mine had a close family friend who went through a extremely difficult time. This familie's father was in his early 40s and died suddenly of medical reasons with a very minor past of health problems. He had a wife and two daughters. My friend was having a hard time knowing what to say to the newly widowed friend when she was given the chance. "Every word I thought of" she said, "would not be enough".

I understand we do not have the perfect language and even the best words are going to fall short of communicating the perfect picture. But when we generalize words and expect people's lives to be changed, we are in danger of boasting in an arrogant assurance that we have arrived.

Stand for humility. Not for doctrine. Stand on doctrine, yet with humility in our words expect the power of the God to transform despite our feeble expressions of our hearts desires. 1 Tim 4:16

The doctrine in which I stand on is terribly humbling. One that is quit difficult and still simple. This doctrine is rooted in compassion. Compassion coming from the root words "com" which means "with" and "passio" which means "to suffer". Jesus Christ had great compassion in living a sinless life and suffering unto to death.

The message of Christ is not given to us that we would have the answers to all of lifes questions, but to simply guide us back to the mysterious definition of life. The words we live by become more defined the more we use them less and the more we truly live by them.

Maybe it's me... no, im certain its me. The feeling I get tells me its me. Apart from the feeling, I still know it's me. Me, being cynical and negative, points it back to me. Yeah, it's me.

Why me, God? Why did I take this path? Why did I become so annoyed? Why can I not leave it behind me?

When I probe inside my cup I am repulsed. Its filthy...nauseating.

Would I drink from my cup? No.
Therefore, I have nothing to offer.

Why am I repulsed and annoyed at the cup of anyone else?

What do they have to offer?

It's not just me, it's them. The other cups are nasty too.

Its not the cup, its the filth.

Maybe it's not me, it's the filth.

Maybe it's not them, its the filth.

The filth is overwhelming...in every crack and corner. It's in every tic of time past and present. From the first childhood memory to the birth of my son. There are so many hurting people from the filth...my filth. There are so many starving people who are needing a drink.

It's not the cup. I like the cup. I love my cup. Its unique and different...detailed and vintage. Its got character and history... and your fingerprints are all over it.

Your blood has trickled and dripped in my cup but my soul aches for an overflow.

But it's me... i'm certain, it's me.

When Melissa and I were in our first house in Weatherford, we had the most weed filled yard on the block. So what did I do? I brought home a big thing of weed killer/fertilizer. I applied it and about three months later, I put another bag of that weed fertilizer on the yard b/c that is exactly what it was. Weed Fertilizer (they must have mislabeled it). Im telling you what, I had the nastiest, Honey I Shrunk the Kids yard. I am not lying when I say, I had no grass and some weeds growing at 2ft a week. ON top of that, Melissa was getting impatient with my grass growing skills and not happy with all the fertilizer charges on the credit card. So what did I do? I brought home another thing of fertilizer/weed killer (this time I went with a different brand).

$250 of weed fertilizer later and some fading hope, I pleaded my case. You know..., the "Babe, just trust me" case. A week later, all I still had to show for it was the most hideous yard... ever. I would drive by pastures in the middle of no where with lushy green grass and curse Mother Earth. I couldn't figure it out, all I wanted was a little bit of grass, so my kids wouldn't have to where their army boots in the summer to play in the yard. I said screw it, and finally put my lawn mower the lowest it would go and scalped my yard in disgust. I rationalized dirt over weeds.

No kidding, two days later I had an emaculate yard. Not a single weed popped up. My neighbor asked me what I did and I said, "I dont know, i just gave up". They don't teach this in Sunday School or Geometry or Athletics. Sometimes you have to give up. It had nothing to do with God granting me the strength or me praying every night over my yard. I can't deny this life lesson and neither should you. Not that I am putting giving up above trying hard, i just think sometimes it works out better if you quit... Just trust me.

"What is Truth?" The famous cynical answer from Pilate.


Power and Position bring about a sense of arrival.
Community and Giving bring about a sense of belonging.

In our attempts to belong we divide thru using power.
In our attempts to arrive we lose in giving.


Truth to those who love it not, will use it.
Truth to those who love it, will be changed by it.


Truth lives in the core of all of us (Yes, even you). Find it and let it change you.


John 18:37-39 (search hard and long, how much is it worth to you)

a little razzle dazzle

I got a postcard recently from a church who was marketing this new sermon series. Come to find out my R and K buddies must have disregarded the wooing too. Maybe, if the postcard only had a more creative way of selling us God. Maybe a cool God slogan or something... one that ryhmes ...or is a play on words... has a pop tv show theme... you know, a little razzle dazzle. Then maybe we would give up our peaceful meal together on Sunday morning at our local diner.

I most recently wrote about Christianity and the revelation of how I was the center of a religous reality for as long as I can remember. After days of pensive meditation, the timing of a Derek Webb podcast, and the presidential race I began intentionally starting conversations about politics. In my awkward attempt at making sense and the various vague responses that bounced back, our uneducated convo birthed some humbling conclusions. One, if the statement, "It's difficult to soar with eagles, when you are scratching with the turkeys" is true, then when it comes to me and my political savvy mates, there is alot of gobbling goin on. Secondly, a Christian nation is an oxymoron. Jesus said to Pilate, "His kingdom is not of this world". Pause......

Human laws and guidlines are feeble and broken. These structures are put in place b/c of our human ability to be human. When Politicians use Christian as the describing adjective of their title, their religous superiority is running in front of their identity. Christian is not meant to be an adjective. We do not need anymore Christian politicians or Christian teachers, or Christian athletes or Christian whatevers. We need Christ in Spirit and in Truth. Hench the reason for the seperation of Church and State, so people can't drag God's name behind their political propaganda like GOd endorses them or something "Huckabee flirts with that concept". Our founders realized even the most valiant attempts of governing humans would fail. To not sound so anti-politics and anti-christian I propose this thought: Maybe our actions speak louder than words. Maybe upon deep meditation and tireless wrestling with God, and humble revelation, our forefathers setup this government in a way that spoke of God, but more importantly setup an unselfish system that help people choose God and allowed the revealing nature of God thru His spirit to bring about life change. Government will not save us, law will not save us, the only thing that will save us is the power in the grace of Jesus Christ who abolished the law. For me pro-choice doesnt mean I choose abortion or not, it just means I will not play God in peoples lives. God allows me to choose Him daily.

My family has worked in government ordain organizations of full time ministry for generations. Our sacrifice is not better than our obedience. God has greater things for the Western church and the truth is our framework will continue to sacrifice, yet His foundation will never move. If we want to help the poor, marginalized, prisoners of war, widows, or any other of the "least of these", our broken confessions and Jesus redemptive hope must lead the march toward unconditional love. Whether it be through humility, martyrdom, or sacrifice, our obedience to God's revelation is our only judgement.

To sum up my random candid thoughts I will defend me from myself in that after rereading this blog I draw from a well of deep passion and emotion, while dragging along loose jargon, bad grammer, and babbling rhetoric. My words are falliable, like the razzle dazzle.

So to the church of razzle dazzle, keep it up! Just know that when the dazzle turns to drizzle God's grace is for rizzle my nizzle. Peace ( I couldn't resist).

Going from selfish to nonexsistent.

That is essentially what a Christian is compelled with. Its not that we have to be unselfish b/c it seems impossible. A better way of putting it is... we are done...nada... irreleveant. If something inside you jumps in disagreement to that statement, i'm with you. My heart defends that thought all the time.

The super Christian says, "No don't stop there... then Christ fills you, so you are new creation... more super than before." (boo- to that).
Is it really about you?

Christianity has been about me for as long as I can remember. My "me" has and is guiding Chrst in the direction he should go. I am reminded of this thought occasionally and face it. It usually ends with me asking, "where the hell am I?" Then I go on a mission to destroy me. For instance, I will empty my bank account, talk to a stranger for a long time, cuss, read my bible, or move my family to an apt to get rid of all our junk.

I am having one of those moments.

Thoughts:

• Sometimes Jesus seems like a figment of imagination.
• Following Jesus seems totally insane sometimes, especially when it comes to obedience.
• Sometimes when I talk of Jesus, its seems so popular. It's like talking of Brett Favre like we were best friends, but if we ever met he wouldn't even recognize me.
• Gods characteristic seems just as dark as it does light.
• God has compelled me, in that, the farther I runaway the closer he gets.
• Fearing God is legitimate fear, not fake smile fear.
• God reveals just as much as he conceals.

Be blessed
Be cursed

Whatever way leads you back to Christ Favre.

Cooper and Tatum love to play together, even when Cooper swings "T" around by her ankles on the gravel or T knocks over Coopers plastic cup towers. When they both play together they usually make up imaginary people, friends, bad guys and so forth.

The other day I was claimed the evil villian b/c I really didnt want to play with them after work. I was tired and not ready to "play". They don't care if I am tired and they will annoy the heck out of me until I play. I eventually revert to tickling them until they cannot breathe. By that time I am ready to play b/c there laughter is so worth it. So I am the tickle monster named "Billy". Josh usually doesnt want to roll around on the floor and tickle. Josh usually wants to eat dinner, but Billy would rather not eat, but build big pillow forts and scare all the people of Lala Land.

Some adults have no imagination... rolling on the floor with their kids is not their "personality".

Here are few examples of the ways we subsitute our role as a parent for superifcial ways of entertaining our kids; buying them stuff, putting them in a little league, intentions of being the "cool" mom, taking them to church, putting them in front of the tv.

Here are a few common excuses you here from Parents, "They just wont listen to me"... "I have alot of things going on right now im just stressed"... "I told them not to do that"... my favorite one is, "they got that from their "Daddy".The fractured relationships between parents and kids is by no means simple, but I would propose this solution.

Dream. Your imagination is a terrible thing to waste. Our imagination allows us to do something we think is totally pointless and do something someone else thinks is priceless.

I am starting a church, this is not necessarily my first option. I get tired just thinking about how many times I would have to speak.. all the weekends I would lose... the stigma of being a minister in Parker County... and dragging my wife and kids through peoples unlofty expectations. I don't think Weatherford is God's gift to Texas, I didn't grow up here, and didn't expect to raise a family here, but I've met some genuine people here. I've shared life with those people and have been intrigued to see how God uses people in small places to make eternal impacts.

There are more different types of people in Weatherford than I thought, yet many Parents resisted those differences for their kids out of a fear of Gods will. Not all of them ride a horse, play football, talk with a draw, hunt deer, shop at "Pennys" and drive pickups. So, I will continue to play along here in Weatherford, and when I have a hard day I might move on, or I might get back on the floor and play.

In the same way, I encourage you to find someone who you think has a pointless life and play their game. Listen to their story and play along. You might be the vilian or might just change the world.

The flimsy measuring tape.

I am a tool.

I had a chance to measure some things over the holidays. For instance, we need a new bathtub due too the stains, from the previous owner, coming through the bathtub paint. Note to self, next time we buy a house beware of the painted bathtub trick. Anyways, I was trying to measure the dimensions and what not, but my measuring tape was too flimsy for a half way accurate measurement. I was slinging that deal everywhere and almost sliced my finger off. Its frustrating to use a tool that loses its integrity. Its just weak period

This is the reason I am a tool. For those of you who do not know the popular phrase for people who miss the target and hit the gallery is "a tool" or people who bleed maroon and want to send a legend to an early grave (followed by claps and whoops) is a pretty good defintion of "a tool".

I could'nt get an accurate measurement of what I needed this Christmas. I felt like a product of my experience. The only thing I could do was try and stay as focused as possible. It was a tough though I kept bending and flopping.

My family and I watched and listened in on this Christmas Eve program at the local Church. When the communion came around my older brother gave my 3 yr old daughter a cracker from the passing tray, which triggered me having to give my son a cracker. Then the dominoes began to fall because who can eat a dry flour tablet without something to wash it down. When the juice got passed, there was not hardly any of the half shot glasses of grape juice left, so I had to give my juice to my son and luckily my daughter got distracted coloring with the golf pencil on the tithe envelope. Not long after, and about an hour and a half into the show the kids and parents were praying for Christmas to be over, or at least the Parents were. The kids just want Santa. Productions are so overrated when you have a three year old packed in a pue for over an hour. To make a long story shorter, the reason I am a tool is... I sit and make fun of these hanus productions year after and year without doing my part. Majority of these places do horrible jobs of creating places for a community to gather around together and celebrate the reason.

My new years resolution is take my flimsy tool and restore it. I may be "a tool" and miss the mark frequently. Its just time to stop making fun of a lack of integrity in other people tools and use my tool. My Pastor friend told me the other day that I was frustrated b/c I was not using my gift. He said, "People have tools that God gives them and when you don't use them, you get frustrated."

I guess I need a tool to help me take the big a** plank out of my eye.

Our bodies get old and our thoughts can seem to bend and flop. In the same way, in our youth, we may not be experienced or knowledgeable enough to use our tool. All the while Jesus promised us he would restore the world and would make all things new.

We are His tools, unlike my mesuring tape he can restore our integrity in exchange for our devotion to His work... His kingdom... His plan.

We are His tools, and He gives us wisdom, strength, and knowledge beyond our age.

I want to be His tool. I will probably be called "a tool", hopefully just like Noah or Job or David or Shadrach or all of His other tools.

Being Yourself continued…

Stop acting like you know who you are.

Many times I look or sound one way and really do not feel the same way inwardly. That’s called “acting”. To some people this a skilled art. This will be a long blog, so if you do not want to read right now, go ahead and stop here.

The most important thing to me is God.

The way I speak of God is a reflection of who God is to me. This is inevitably a part of my identity.

For instance, I have confessed to be a Christ follower or Christian. Whether I believe in my heart is between me and God. Romans 10:9-10. God incarnate (human) is Jesus. Jesus is God’s son. Apparently, Jesus is at the right hand of the father now, according to scripture. The Holy Spirit was then sent down by God to be our guide b/c after Jesus came and did his thing… badabingbadaboom… He was out. We leave off with the Holy Spirit coming from God to be our Life Guide if you will.

Another for instance, the Bible is not mere words, but it’s also alive. It is the sword for our Life Guide if you will again. When we face scary animals in the forest of life, our Life Guide will chop their heads off with his sword. Plus, humans like to go their own way, and usually need a guide back to the direction in which they needed to be headed before they got off on some tangent.

Let me get back on track (Thanks Life Guide). I write this blog not to defend my theology, but to give a brief background of my belief right now.

Most of this comes from the way I grew up, Sunday school, people, places, and events. As far as faith goes, I can’t defend God against Allah or any other person growing up in another cultural faith. It’s not my job, I will let the Life Guide and his sword do the talkin. In summary God is best recognized in the way of the big 3; Dirk, Jett, and… wait…I mean; God (Father), Jesus (Son), and Holy Spirit ( Life Guide) - TriGod

My reference for the subject of being yourself is wrapped up in this identity.

My lackluster choice of wording and language for this subject hopefully helps portray my true identity crisis. The more scriptural examples I read in regards to identity, the more I cannot escape using the word “crisis”.

If Lucifer Sucker Satan’s (that’s his full name – that is if you believe in Mr. Satan) strong suit is deception? How much, do you think, would he hope to confuse us into thinking our identity should be in anything other than TriGod’s desire for us (humans)? How much time do we spend punching our moral calculator b/c Mr. Satan has us believing we can change our identity?... constantly treading to keep our good above water. How many times do we confuse our wants for needs?... hoping to impress our closest friends.

Maybe our identity is going to be doodoo regardless of how much we try. TriGod already knows our doodoo, hence His sending His son. Our friends know it too, they just don’t tell you to your face.

That’s where the crisis comes in… if I constantly battle the idea of impressing TriGod or other people, my crisis is the guilt of not measuring up to TriGod or the girl next door.

Not only do I think this is relevant, but it is central to me for being a Christian.

If you call yourself a Christian, you have given up trying. You are no longer being yourself. You are recognizing you are nothing without God. No longer do I need an identity, cause that was killed with Christ. I am not and Christ is. You see the good and the bad equally, not just the good. No more hiding. Christ becomes the focal point… the focus… the amazin… the cleanser… the life savior… You may not like the bad, but he died for it. You can’t hide it. You can try, but its worthless.

This does not mean I have no more accountability or I do not have to deal with sin? No, but belief is not fought amoung men. It just simply means, I do not have to try to impress anything or anyone anymore. We allow Christ to become famous… glorified… hailed… awesome and all those other overused churchy terms. He transcends trends in your life and becomes timeless. He is recognized in your life as the purpose for life. You have nothing to do with it, except being His unique creation that was created for the purpose of His enjoyment. People are not impressed with Christ in your life. They are just impressed with Christ.

My dad sent this is email from Russia yesterday, he preaches to different churches while he is over there. He said, “Our motivation should not be for any gain at all. We have become so self-centered that we go to God only for something from Him, and not for God Himself. I found my self saying more than once (while preaching)…. “It is like saying No, LORD, I don’t want you; I want myself. But I do want You to clean me and fill me with Your Holy Spirit. I want to be on display in Your showcase, the church, so I can say, ‘This is what God has done for me.”

Once we reflect and begin to deal with our selfishness, our identity is like a dream of going to work or school in your underwear…exposed.

Therefore, TriGod makes for a good relief. A good relief from ourselves… our nature. We kill our identity willingly and start from the beginning. We wake from the dream… we are born again. Especially in this time of year of busy schedules, shopping, kids, business, intentions, parties, church stuff, and blahblahblah we need a relief… and I believe it came in the form of a baby… the noisiest, non-sleeping, beautiful, non-potty trained, innocent, time consuming, soft, alien looking baby.

God had a baby before we were united. Therefore we are in a separated marriage or the baby came first, im not sure. (LG intervention)

You know what is so significant to me about TriBaby? TriBaby is the first stroke in painting a picture of what it takes. He is the beginning of hope. A beautiful picture of heaven and earth colliding. The struggle of the travel and the manger and the running for your life. The example of what it takes to restore the world.

Of course Mr. Satan would twist it around to help it be about us.

When it is about us, we think of the fun traditions, treats, and gifts (I know-bahhumbug!).
When it is about TriBaby, we notice the crying and the goat breath and the mission.

It is a celebration of the savior, born into a crazy world. It had only just begun. It wasn’t going to be a pretty deal.

Well, to fininsh this long and haynus blog, I leave myself with this thought. TriGod completed his work on earth through Christ, and looking back on that I wish to reaffirm the day my identity was severely wounded. Til the day I die, I will give up. Call me a quitter or loser and you will help throw another dagger deeper into the soul of my identity.

Unlike Paul, I cannot say my identity has completely been thrown under the bus, but when TriGod blinds me from His radiance, I will run into the bus gladly.



Afterthought:

Heres the most obvious example of trying to me; People running around like psychos and screaming “Fags go to Hell”. Not exactly what TriGod had in mind, I don’t think. In all truth, I like gays and lesbians, mostly out of sympathy. I don’t get to hang out with any of them, so therefore I guess I like the idea of having one as a friend. There is no relationship now, except for that one guy, kinda. Regardless, maybe they are in a crisis of identity. If so, join the crowd.

Part One - When I think about this subject I can't help but laugh.

Before I go on I want to preface the term "We" as you and I. Not more "you than I" or "I than you".

I laugh b/c this is the way I deal with things that are ridiculous and when I finally come to realize this, I laugh. Some people get angry, cry, kiss their boyfriend, go into a hole, or drink... I laugh.

Be yourself. Our generation is inthralled with this line or the variations of it... Be authentic... Be real... Be who you are... We have countless reality shows about it and praise people who are supposedly transparent in the dumbest things. However, what does this term mean? It recently sounds like jibberish to me. I try to wrap my pea size brain around this term and I turn into a philisophical vegatable.

For instance, children are so honest, brutal but innocent. They can say someone is fat and their bases is in comparison to the average person they come across. Usually, for the most part, they would not say this unless the person was way above the average and in return were compelled to comment. Being yourself is akward and adolescent. So many times we confuse discretion with law. Meaning, I tell Cooper, my 6yr old son, to not say these things to people in fear of people opening up a can on our family.

Point being... lets stop throwing around this small slogan in such a superficial and shallow way. Like it is easy to do or something. Being yourself is by no means easy to pinpoint.

One time I was going to speak in front of a bunch of people and my preparation seemed more inadequate the closer time drew near for me to talk. All of the sudden, seemingly out of no where, some lady said, "Don't worry just be yourself ". At that moment in time, that was the worst advice. Seriously, be yourself? Being myself was a reminder of my inability to study and prepare enough to say anything worth hearing. I wanted to punch the lady and tie her up in the back... after I finished speaking some bull cr*p to a bunch of people and faking a cry, go back to her and say "Those people actually eat this up and you being yourself is falling for the same cr*p lady... and stop nodding in agreement... please, b/c we dont agree here."

Its not that easy. We are shallow as a country, as consumers, as politicians, as employees, and as humans. We fall for media driven slogans everyday and make life changing judgments off these dramatically trite interpretations of the truth. We almost take them as Law.

When I call someone out, there is usually a bit of bitter root.
When my child calls someone out, there is usually an innocent commonality.

We need to get back to the innocence produced by grace. The more forgiveness we accept the more beauty is revealed. When time becomes eternal and people become important enough to take that time to be truthful with. Where success is not measured in one stereotypical mistake, but in the value of neighbourly love. Maybe we ought to burn our fences or buildings. I want to believe it's that important.

Show me how to be myself.
or at least...

to be continued.

Do people know you for what you stand for?

or

Do people know more of you by what you oppose?

Think about it. Look at your closest friends and what they represent in this matter.

For instance I pledge allegiance to Michael Vick on PS2, odd music, receipt losers, mexican coffee beans, smart people who write sarcastic spiritual books, and Jack in the Box...(to name a few) This is me

Not that I even like all of these things, but my opposition to things in my life are of little importance in comparison to who I represent. Some of my allegiance will change, but only in time. Don't get me wrong I wish sometimes I could find all of my receipts, but those little boogers are clever...not to down play the frustration they cause me.

I have a friend or two who express there strong oppositions frequently. Using my examples as a parallel to this thought. He/she thinks video games are a waste of time, losing receipts is very irresponsible, coffee is gross and Jack In the Box had dead people in their freezers. Not to mention they didn't sleep good last night. I am okay with them doing this... oh well.

But back to the question my friend, what do you stand for? I'd like to know. Because sometimes we become more famous for what we oppose than who we are.

Take time to do something you love to do and do not be ashamed. Share your fantasy novels with someone or share something that represents you. Be content in life at this moment in time. Pray for transparent skin, so that others might see the condition of your heart.

Oppositon is a crutch of the skeptic. Take it away and you become lame. Sometimes I look at the world and see a bunch of lame cripples trying to hide their disability with a crutch.

All the while, the healing occurs when we stand for who we are, so that that process can begin.

Simplicity


How big is your pile? I think I could use simplicity. I need to get rid and clean out certain piles of stuff. The more stuff I get rid of, the bigger the pile gets or so it seems. I hate uncovering things b/c I find a bunch of other stuff underneath it all.


I have been by myself alot for the last 5 days (mostly on the beach of San Diego). I tried to use some of the time to focus on what Richard Foster, author of Celebration of Discipline, calls meditation and simplicity. The first thing I came to notice about myself is my inability to just stop. I walked and walked and walked. I couldn’t find a right place or nostalgic ambience to post up in. When I finally found a place, it wouldn't take long before I would start thinking of where my next place to stop should be. Because if I am going to find myself, i need to find me in a cool joint. Ya know what I'm sayin.


Long story short I realized I was chasing myself. Kind of like a dog chasing his tail. Chasing restlessly.


God reveals himself in the most awkward and mundane places, not always at a vintage coffee shop dad-gummit. I wanted to direct God to where he could reveal himself. I had it backwards and constantly had to stop. In order to help slow me down I would take public transportation everywhere in S.D...buses, trollies, and a taxi. Not that it stopped me, but it purposely slowed me down. I thought maybe I could eventually roll to a stop (Cali style - ya know what im sayin).


Back to the pile. Jesus talked about our gathering of piles quite frequently. Here is kind of what I got out of it.

• When you have God and a bunch of stuff, all you have is God.





• When you have God and have nothing, all you have is God.
  

God is the only thing that matters. Your economical status has no influence over God, so why should it with people. He gave it to you. He gives all and he'll take all. (Lev. 25.23, Prov. 11;28, Ps. 62:10, Luke 16:3, Matt. 6:21, Matt. 19:16-22, Matt. 13:45-46

Here is my deal... i s**k at this whole spending money and saving money ordeal. (sorry this subject brings me to saying naughty words) I am at a lost when I even begin pondering where it goes. I seriously cannot tell you how frivolous I have been with money or stuff. That being said, this next verse in Luke kinda puts perspective out of perspective.

Luke 6:30 (New International Version)
30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.


What the blank? ...whoa Harry, we were way off.


Seriously, who does that? God, how am I suppose to do that when no one in the history of my life has come remotely close to the reality of that verse. Thats like the verse of poking out eyes and crap.


If God wants, he gets. God wants you to want. Therefore God lets you choose what u like. We can choose to let him choose because that is what He wants. brain freeze. You can choose not to think He exists. When stuff begins to pile up we somewhere chose not to think He existed because to us it became our stuff. Then the stuff breaks down or disappears and we are left empty. Turning back to God broken, we desperately need something deeper something more substantial until the iphone comes out on the market.

Matt 6:33 - Seek first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you.


The kingdom of God does not look like Walmart. The kingdom of God is simple. Simply put, God gave His one and only Son. Try to ponder giving your children to anyone.


By the way, I am having a garage sale this Saturday at 203 Sweetwater Dr. in Weatherford, TX. Come take all you want. Man, I love to give.

Cooper and Tatum love to play together, even when Cooper swings "T" around by her ankles on the gravel or T knocks over Coopers plastic cup towers. When they both play together they usually make up imaginary people, friends, bad guys and so forth.

The other day I was claimed the evil villian b/c I really didnt want to play with them after work. I was tired and not ready to "play". They don't care if I am tired and they will annoy the heck out of me until I play. I eventually revert to tickling them until they cannot breathe. By that time I am ready to play b/c there laughter is so worth it.

So I am the tickle monster named "Billy". Josh usually doesnt want to roll around on the floor and tickle. Josh usually wants to eat dinner, but Billy would rather not eat, but build big pillow forts and scare all the people of Lala Land.

Some adults have no imagination... rolling on the floor with their kids is not their "personality".

Here are few examples of the ways we subsitute our role as a parent for superifcial ways of entertaining our kids; buying them stuff, putting them in a little league, intentions of being the "cool" mom, taking them to church, putting them in front of the tv.

Here are a few common excuses you here from Parents, "They just wont listen to me"... "I have alot of things going on right now im just stressed"... "I told them not to do that"... my favorite one is, "they got that from their "Daddy".

The fractured relationships between parents and kids is by no means simple, but I would propose this solution.

Dream. Your imagination is a terrible thing to waste. Our imagination allows to do something we think is totally pointless and do something someone else thinks is priceless.

I am starting a church, this is not necessarily my first option. I get tired just thinking about how many times I would have to speak.. all the weekends I would lose... the stigma of being a minister in Parker County... and dragging my wife and kids through peoples unlofty expectations.

I don't think Weatherford is God's gift to Texas, I didn't grow up here, and didn't expect to raise a family here, but I've met some genuine people here. I've shared life with those people and have been intrigued to see how God uses people in small places to make eternal impacts.

There are more different types of people in Weatherford than I thought, yet many Parents resisted those differences for their kids out of a fear of Gods will. Not all of them ride a horse, play football, talk with a draw, hunt deer, shop at "Pennys" and drive pickups. So, I will continue to play along here in Weatherford, and when I have a hard day I might move on, or I might get back on the floor and play.

In the same way, find someone who you think has a pointless life and play their game. Listen to their story and play along.

I have not been a "member" of a church for about 1 yr. and a couple months.

I suppose I am in the uh? church crowd now. Melissa and I get up on Sunday mornings and decide wether we want to go to church or not. Cooper and Tatum want to go most of the time, but sometimes they would rather dress up at home and do their own interpretation of a passage in Judges. If we don't go to church we will make an IKEA trip or eat at R&K. Sometimes we wait for my parents to get out of church, and go eat with them. My Dad asks Cooper if we went to church, when he knows full well by the pajamas we are still wearing that we didn't go. Melissa usually asks if we need to go get ready (the sunday get up) to go eat with them, but then realizes that we would be hypocrites. I like to go to church, but I usually end up making fun of people or being cynical. Its funny how they all sound the same, but they think they are doing it different. We visited 18 churches this past year and I liked everyone of them. They were generally friendly and organized and had a vision for God. Then we would leave to go take a nap.

Doesn't this sound boring? I am literally boring myself.

The message I got was... Smile, Be a groupie at the Jesus concert, Throw some scripture and greek around with alliteration and points, and an akward trying to act excited about the announcements guy but do not have a clue about what the events or activities really are b/c our church is Awesome.

I usually don't even hear the give to our tv collection budget anymore.

This is what I sound like to remind myself that this is what I sound like.

Peace.

I have to give it to him (props that is). I mean, anybody who takes a driver out on the 18th hole... 2nd shot in the woods... with trees directly in front of him... and doesn't hesitate to take a monster go for it swing... while simultaneously ducking in case of a dangerous ricochet... on his 58th birthday... is a rare breed.

You know what? Thats my Dad. Some people might say he is just a risk taker, or that is just his personality. Boo, on that explanation.

My research has been very intense and well thought through. I have wrestled with him in my head for years and have come to accept the conclusion. I don't have to convince you of his calling or explain the trail he leaves behind.

He can give you more responsibility in a one minute than your training would ever cover. Not b/c he wants to overwhelm you (which still happens), but b/c he desires something bigger than we can imagine. I have come to understand... it is not a risk... it is not unlofty expectation... it is not a trait...it is a life based on faith. A faith so big it reminds me of a seed.

Happy B-day Dad. You have shown me an unwavering faith in God like no one else I have ever known.

Oh yeah. His shot made it through the trees and landed in the fairway.

Prophecy in a broad sense, is the prediction of future events or the speaking of divine words (divine Revelation) through chosen human messengers (prophets). -Wikipedia

Someone said to me recently, "God told me to tell you..." This is great because I dont speak to God on that level (where He talks back that is), but the most important thing was the things God told me through this instant messenger.

I always thought if someone ever tried to prophecy over me they would find a demon or something congesting my spirit organs. It really wasnt that bad though, i mean the words from the Lord were right on and kind of vague all at the same time.

Bluntly speaking if God is relevant, there needs to be more people tapping into that spiritual realm or at least trying. We say we believe Jesus healed people and left his Spirit to empower us, but when it comes to praying for healing, God speaking to us through a random Bible flip open, or taking leaps of faith, we get all analytical.

There comes a time when our relationship with God gets unrational or unexplainable. Its called salvation. If you believe you are "saved" then you believe in miracles (period). You have not been to heaven and God does not send you a passport, therefore the "saved" are either going mad or believe in an amazing miracle.

I happened to be "saved" myself (at least three times according to the Southern Baptist). The Spirit is my super power and I love unicorns. Seriously, I love unicorns. No, im just kidding.

I was listening to the new Modest Mouse CD and I came across a song called, "Missed the Boat". It talks about our tireless planning and then missing the goal (boat). I do that. I plan and focus hard on stuff. I was reminded of the passage in Proverbs about "Man planning his way, but God directs his steps."

If we allow God to direct our steps we may still miss the boat, but we just might walk on water.


... and ride unicorns (purple ones).