I actually look forward to blogging right now. I feel like I have some much to say and no one to say it to that hadn’t already heard it from me. The common phrase I hear about me is “well, what can we say, that’s Josh.” My only concern with this way of journaling is this could be more fire power for them. I am pretty sure this is why I am looking forward to blogging. “Screw them or you”, if you don’t like me, don’t read me. Problem 2, I already told people about this spot, so it’s like I asked them to be my friend in blogspot world. Not that I am taking back this invitation, but the following blogs are the way I see it, like it or not, this is me…

I need a myspace with out the hoopla, where people see me from a different light. This is closer to a confession booth in which I confess to the world. I need to confess to you that I am fake and I know it. This is sort of a weasel way of doing it, but for me this is a long awaited time of my life. It is almost like breaking up with someone over the phone. They (he/she) don’t fully understand why you are breaking up so abruptly and especially over the phone, nevertheless they need to know. All of their friends will proceed to talk about you being a jerk or coward, but honestly that’s not late breaking news to you. I would rather let it out someway through some avenue than sitting in fake smile space. This fake smile space eventually turns into denial and naïve world. I usually never spend enough quality time with anyone to get to authentic confession.

I have a couple friends, seriously. Somehow they know me. When we get together we absolutely vomit on each other and it’s great. Not just normal great, but great as in breaking up the right way. Of course every once in a while they will flinch longer than I would have hoped for, but the best thing about the time with them is the freedom. Some body accepts me for me and will actually take the time to get to know me. I usually can’t wait to meet with them over coffee or fruity tea. I never think I look forward to going to church as much as I do about meeting with them. Church to me, is sad like the war in Iraq. No one can figure out why we are really there. We know we need to defend freedom and support justice, but why there - in that place. I mean, can’t I do that anywhere. Whatever. I run my mind ragged trying to do the right thing and help someone, but I find myself sitting in a pew listening to someone who lives in naïve world or at least acts like it. I could seriously have the same conversation every week with the same people at all the church buildings where I go.

My philosophy is being real, which many people translate as shock factor. If you want to label it shocking go ahead. I guess, one man’s shock is another man’s normal. Peace.